


I have realised

by apolloxbvcky



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: A LOT of Angst, M/M, Post-Infinity War, probably post a4 too, some fluff at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2019-06-19 15:08:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15512520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apolloxbvcky/pseuds/apolloxbvcky
Summary: Bucky hasn't seen Steve since he came back from the Soul Stone, and it's driving him mad.





	I have realised

Bucky was wandering around the compound, looking for Steve. He hadn’t seen him since he came back. He had been having Bruce and Shuri running tests on him, and Steve had been avoiding him. He didn’t know why, but ever since he came back from the Soul world, the only contact they had had was the hug they shared in that moment. After so, Steve hadn’t even wanted to talk to him.   
“Natasha.” he asked to the now, again, redhead sitting on the kitchen counter, drinking from a cup. “Have you seen Steve?”   
She shook her head. “I’m afraid not. Why?”   
Bucky sighed, sitting in front of her. He grabbed another cup and the coffee pot, serving himself some. “I haven’t talked to him since we came back.”   
“Didn’t you sleep together that night?” Bucky blushed. Well, they certainly did. Maybe he lied a bit when saying it had only been a hug.   
“Yes… but when I woke up he wasn’t in the bed, and I looked for him everywhere and he was not on the compound. I have only seen him at dinner the other day, and he sat on the opposite place of the table, and didn’t talk to me at all.”   
“Maybe he doesn’t know what you both mean now. You haven’t been together without a war happening since the 40s.”   
“Do you think so?”  
“I mean, it could be anything. You know Steve, he doesn’t like to share emotions. But, I don’t know. It seems like a potential reason.”   
Bucky sighed again, running his metal fingers through his hair. “If only he would talk to me. We could figure whatever is on his mind together. Natasha, he’s the only thing I have from my old life. He’s my anchor. My safe place. If he’s not there… I don’t know what will happen to me.”  
Natasha left the cup on the table, biting her lip.  
“I understand you. I’ll try to talk to him, okay? See what I can do. You know I can be very persuasive.”   
Bucky smiled. “Thank you. Truly.”  
“No big deal. I’ve been trying to set Steve up with someone since forever. It’s kind of my hobby now.”  
Bucky chuckled, standing up and putting his hand on the woman’s shoulder. “Whatever he says, even if it’s bad… I want to know.” Natasha nodded, and Bucky left the room. Nat sighed, taking her phone and dialing one of the few numbers she had on her contacts.  
“We need to talk, Rogers.” 

 

Steve had been stirring his coffee for a whole five minutes now, looking at it instead of Natasha. He didn’t know what to answer. “When are you coming back?” When was he? Was he at all? Why did he leave in the first place? Everything seemed to be nice again. He was in speaking terms with Tony, the whole team had reunited now that Bruce and Thor were back, and he had his Bucky, now clean of all the dirt HYDRA had put on his head. So, why did he leave?   
“Steve?” Natasha spoke again. He looked at her. She just narrowed her eyebrows.   
“I… don’t know.”   
“Steve, Bucky misses you. Tony misses you. I miss you.”   
“I know, I just… I can’t. Not yet.”  
“Bucky talked to Shuri yesterday. She invited him back to Wakanda. For good. He said he had to talk to you first. He wants you to go with him.”  
“What?”   
“Shuri offered him an apartment on the city, a farm on the countryside, or chambers in the palace. Whatever he pleases. And he wants to share that with you.” Steve reclined on his chair, sighing, and rubbing his eyes with the tips of his fingers. “You owe him an explanation. You can’t be hiding in your Brooklyn loft forever, Steve.”   
“Natasha. For the love of God, I need you to shut up just a minute.”   
The redhead did so, not pleased though. She crossed her arms and frowned. “Look. I haven’t known Bucky for as many time as you, okay? But I do know something. He’s a good man and he deserves better than this. So stick your head off your fucking ass and go back to the compound, take that man in your arms and tell him everything you want to tell him. Even if it’s bad. He deserves at least an explanation.” The girl stood up, taking her jacket and leaving the coffee shop they were at, leaving Steve alone with his thoughts. 

 

One week after his conversation with Natasha, Bucky was in his room, suitcase on top of the bed and taking all his belongings, deciding what would be worth or useful in Wakanda; when he heard a knock on the door. He jogged there and opened it, seeing Steve Rogers on the other side. He had cut his hair, but he still had his beard, only a little bit more fixed up. Bucky couldn’t help it, and he took his face between his hands and kissed the guy in front of him. He felt Steve’s lips kissing him back, so he took the Captain by the neck of his shirt, pushing him inside and closing the door, pressing Steve’s body against it in a matter of seconds. They broke apart when Steve felt like choking, just as they would do back on their age, when Steve was still a tiny little guy who would break if you looked at him too hard.   
“Where the fuck have you been all this time?” Bucky whispered.   
“I was… thinking.” Steve said, holding Bucky’s shoulders and putting him away, starting to walk around the room.   
“Thinking about what?” Bucky asked. Steve stood still in front of the bed. It was a king size bed, big enough for two people. And he knew why. This wasn’t just Bucky’s room. He could see some of his clothes on the opened closet. He pointed to the suitcase with his index.   
“Are you going somewhere?” he asked.   
“Wakanda. I’m moving there. I’ll be living in the palace. Shuri found out about my, uh… abilities in the Math field and wants me to be part of her team.” Steve smiled.  
“I always knew you’d be important in the science field someday.”   
“Yes… I wanted you to come, and T’Challa said you could be part of his army. But, you...”   
“I know” Steve interrupted. “Natasha told me.” Bucky closed his mouth. Natasha told him. He still didn’t care. He just walked to the closet and took a few t-shirts, folding them and putting them on the suitcase. “So, what are the goats going to do?” Steve asked.   
“What?” Bucky looked at him. Was he really asking about the goats?   
“Your goats. And your cows. The ones in your farm. What will happen to them?” Bucky didn’t reply. It was too stupid to even reply. Steve knew what he was doing, so he started folding the other t-shirts that were laying on the bed. Bucky didn’t even look at him. “The room looks good. Comfy. Home-y. I like that picture.” he said, pointing to the frame Bucky had on his nightstand. It was a picture of them both Shuri took once in Wakanda, when Bucky was living there and Steve was visiting on his free time. They both were on Bucky’s farm, and they had been chasing after one of the little goats who had scaped, but they stomped into each other and fell tot he floor, Bucky on top of steve, and they both were laughing like they hadn’t in a lot of time. Shuri was indeed a good photographer.   
“You can keep it.” Bucky said, sharp. Steve sighed, taking Bucky’s flesh hand, which was on top of the suitcase.   
“We need to talk.” Steve said.   
“Finally you realise. Explain, Rogers.” Steve took Bucky to the other side of the room, where the couch was. He made him sit there, and put his other hand on top of Bucky’s knee.   
“Listen. I didn’t leave to hurt you, even though I know I did. I needed some time to think.”   
“About what? I thought everything was fine between us. It was before Thanos, when you were a fucking wanted criminal. What changed?”   
“I… realised something.”   
“What?”   
“That you’re better off without me.”  
“What the fuck, Steven?” Bucky said, standing up out of a sudden. “Seriously, what the fuck?”  
“Can you listen to me? Please?” Steve said, standding too, putting his hands on Bucky’s shoulders and trying to make him sit again. When he did so, he took his hand again, intertwining Bucky’s fingers with his. “Look, Bucky… Every time we reunite, every time you follow me to another fight, you end up damaged. First, you fell off the train and HYDRA captured you. Twice. Then, you pulled out of the river and you disappeared, a wanted criminal. Two years later, I found you again and you followed me to that stupid fight with Tony, and ended up frozen in Wakanda. When everyone thought you’d be alright, you fight against Thanos and turn into dust in front of my eyes. And you’re trapped in a parallel universe for five years. Five years, Bucky. Add that to the others years of your life you’ve lost because of me. You’ve been alive 106 years, but you have barely lived 30. James. You deserve better than this. You deserve better than me.” To this point, Steve’s face was completely wet with his tears, and Bucky was a sobbing mess. All he could do was shake his head, not wanting to hear what Steve was saying.  
“No, no, no, Steve. No. Fuck. This is not your choice. This is not what you think I deserve or don’t. This is not what you believe it’s best for me. You tried to do the same thing almost 80 years ago and it didn’t work. Because I didn’t care. I didn’t care then and I don’t care now. I didn’t care what people had to say then and I don’t care how many times I have to fall for you. I don’t care at all. Because all I want is you, Steve Rogers. All I want is to be with you, all I want is to hug you, to kiss you. All I want is to live with you. I want to start a family with you. It’s what I have always wanted. And I don’t care if you think it’s dangerous, I would do anything for you. Because I love you. Always have, always will.”   
Steve had been looking down the whole speech. He didn’t want Bucky to see him cry. He never liked anyone to see him cry. He whipped the tears away and looked at the brunet, blue meeting blue. “You shouldn’t…”  
“Fuck it, Steve. Fuck it, and fuck you. I told you a long time ago that I’d follow that kid who was too dumb to run from a fight anywhere, and I’m telling you that again now. Anywhere. Europe, Africa, space itself. I don’t care how many times you think you made me fall. You’ve saved me every each of them.”   
That was enough for him. Steve started sobbing harder than he had ever done, hugging his lover as tight as possible, as if it were the last time he was going to see him. “I’m sorry” he whispered between sobs.   
“You’re okay. We’re.” Bucky answered him, kissing his forehead.   
It wouldn’t be until an hour later that Steve stopped crying; and the whole time, Bucky was there stroking his back and hair. Now they were just cuddling, watching a lame movie that Bucky put on TV to try and distract Steve when he thought he was near dehydration.   
“Buck?” Steve whispered, his head on Bucky’s shoulder and his fingers running though Bucky’s flesh arm.   
“Yes?”   
“Are we moving to Wakanda?”   
“Do you want to?” Steve shook his head.  
“I just got us a loft in Brooklyn. I’ve been saving since I got out of the ice…”   
Bucky smiled.  
“I’ll call Shuri later. It’s too early there. She’s probably still asleep.”  
Steve nodded, pressing a kiss to Bucky’s chest.   
“Hey, Bucky?” he asked a few minutes later. “What you said earlier… was it true?”  
“I said a lot of things earlier, Stevie.” he said, chuckling.  
“The thing about… the family.”  
“Oh. Yes. I mean… I never thought about it. Not back in the 40s, that’s for sure. And not when I was brainwashed. But when Shuri fixed me and I remembered this… When I remembered us. I learned that we were not ‘forbidden’ now. That we would be able to form one if we wanted to. And when those kids started hanging out with me… Shuri told me a few of them were orphans, and they lived in palace with them. The boys would end up in the army and the girls would end up in the Dora Milaje. It started to grow on me. We could have one of ours someday. We could adopt one. And I guess if we tried in Wakanda, T’Challa and Shuri would make it easier for us. Don’t you think?”   
Steve smiled.   
“That sounds perfect, Bucky. I’d love to have a kid with you. Or more. How many is the limit? Can we get a whole football team?” Bucky chuckled, kissing Steve’s forehead.   
“I miss your long hair. It matched mine. We could have been a homeless couple.”   
“You’re a jerk.”  
“And you’re a punk.”  
Steve pecked Bucky’s lips, and smiled while putting his head back on his partner’s chest.  
“Bucky...”  
“Steve?”  
The blond sat on the couch, looking at his boyfriend, who seemed to be a little confused. Suddenly, Steve stood up and walked to his nightstand, opening one of the drawers and taking something. He hid it on his back when he walked back to the couch. He placed himself on front of Bucky, who looked even more confused now. Suddenly, Steve dropped on one knee, and took the object on his hands from behind his back. It was a velvet box, and when he opened it, Bucky could see a silver ring on it.   
“Will you marry me?”


End file.
